her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
