whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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