i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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