I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
