god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
