i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
