So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
