Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
