he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
