I skipped work to stalk him.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
