I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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