Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
