i was born a porn star she said
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
