Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The best revenge is premature balding
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
