420 ftw
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
