DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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