Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
