True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
