How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
