She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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