Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
