Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
