I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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