dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
