I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
