I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize