I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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