I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
honey bunches of taint.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
