apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love having hate sex.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
