I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
