I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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