Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
