YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
