yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
