Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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