I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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