he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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