found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i drank out of a bidet.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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