I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
