good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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