hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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