I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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