I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
