from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
