I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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