Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
