So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
