Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
