I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
