Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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