Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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